The Bitch’s Cradle I

Technorati Profile

Friendster has been blocked in our office for quite sometime, and it’s really hard to manage my blog if I have to rely on these proxy servers that will eventually get blocked as well. So I decided to create a new blog. A new chapter of The Bitch’s Cradle, since I am in a new chapter of my life.

Hope you’d visit my rantings there!

Thanks for all my readers and those who gave me comments.

Visit more of me here:

The Bitch’s Cradle II - http://kleinchik0104.vox.com/
The Bitch’s Mental Reservaton - http://daleisabiatch.blogspot.com/

Until we meet again!

Cheeriyah!

This is my 100th blog entry, just like the others, this entry is a piece of me. But unlike the rest of my entries, this is the turning point of my life.

I’ve written so many things about pain, hate, men and love. through the years I have shared my rants and raves. Now, if only these words can shout, it will be deafening, for it will scream the happiness I am feeling as I speak.

I have finally found the right man in my life… ooops… sorry… should I say right men!

Recently I got married to Gerald, it was unexpected by most people and we had to struggle and fight for our happiness… now all the struggle is worth fighting for. 

I have found another man in my life- Joaquin Liam. July 8th, 2007 at exactly 2:13pm my son- Joaquin, came to life. He was 7.5lbs, 51 centimeters long with a 36 centimeter head circumference. Imagine the pain I had to go through during my labor- the contractions and not to mention my legs wide spread for 3 hours and the nurses were just watching me scream my lungs out while waiting for the big catch! 

Giving birth felt like an extreme case of constipation and dysmenorreah. It was too painful. After I gave birth I was waiting for the moment to finally meet my son and feel the numbness of pain… and there he was, a very big and chubby baby boy. The raging of emotions could not be explained, my tears won’t let go, my smile won’t come off my face. All I had was disbelief of the miracle that happened. I couldn’t believe what I saw… this beautiful creature just came out of me… God I was happy! Happy is not even the right word to use… it’s indescribable!

And yet there’s still the pain… then I realized it’s not true that when you see the baby you will be withdtrawn from all the pain… but I was empowered to endure every bit of pain that I felt.

I realized… that was just the start of it. This is not me whining… this is me sharing the hardships of being a mom and finding the joy in it.

As I bring Joaquin home, I watch him sleep. Being a mom, just like working in a call center, it would mostly require a graveyard shift. The only difference is that, it’s way too unpredictable! There were nights that he would just cry and I was worried what went wrong and there were nights that I cried because I couldn’t put him to sleep.

When I breastfed Joaquin, I was swamped with joy. He needs me to live and he loves the warmth of my skin, he embraces me even if his arms were too short to wrap my body, he feels my heartbeat as if it was his own. My breasts were sore after he fed, I had cramps because my veins were pumping for milk, as full as my breasts felt… I was fulfilled.

Sentimental as it seems, the most touching part of being a mom is when you see your son and his father play and cuddle.  For me these moments are priceless. As they sleep at each other’s side, I watch them with a tearful eye. What more could I ever wish for?

As I look back and read through the previous entries I made, I remembered undesirable days of my life, it may be unpleasant but it made me who I am now.

I had a hurtful past…

… and a blissful future.

In 2 weeks or less I will give birth. The excitement and apprehension is up on my neck! Not to mention the uncomforting sleepless nights due to the tossing and turning and balancing of my bulging belly.

I’m out of words, really! Dunno how to express the feeling of happiness, excitement and fear.

As I approach the day of my maternity leave, I am nesting for my baby’s coming, I’m counting the days of waiting and the contractions I am having.

I’m requesting for your prayers that I may give birth easily and without any complications. Most importantly, for me to give birth to a normal and healthy baby boy.

**wink** Huhuhu… the emotional outburst is again flowing…

Cheers to all the moms and soon to be moms like me… and soon to be dads as well!!!

I just had my ultrasound 2 weeks ago and thank God that I’m having a baby boy! According to my doctor, he’s in the right position and has the right size. No complications as observed. I really pray everything’s gonna be normal for my little Joaquin Liam.

He is now exactly on his week 30 (7 mos and 2 weeks). Few more weeks of waiting and soon I can lock my son in my arms. I am so thrilled.

It’s a different feeling when he moves inside my tummy. Whenever he rolls, whenever he kicks, there is that ecstatic and raging emotion in me. Oh… I can’t wait to carry my son.

We usually have a conversation, of how life’s going to be when he’s out. Like him, I really don’t know what to expect. But I keep on telling him that as long as his daddy and I are here everything’s gonna be fine. Joaquin is a smart kid… I know that. He seems to know when his dad is not there coz he tends to move a lot, as if he just wants his dad to be right next to us. This son of mine… at a very young age… is also a very naughty boy. He kicks everytime he sees beautiful girls on tv. Hahahah! Well… I really don’t know if it’s just coincidence, or if it’s just his dad and his delusional mind.  =)

Haaay… a few more weeks left and I can say, I am a true woman, a wife and a mother. Such a big leap! A big word… a big challenge.

Today you are exactly 24 weeks old, 6 months to be exact! I can’t imagine how hard it is to be inside a swollen tummy! =) Whenever I feel you kick, I really feel that you want to get out and see your mommy and daddy. Like you, we are so excited! But of course we don’t want you to come out ahead of time for it will be bad for you. A few more months to wait and soon, you’ll see the beauty of this world.

I really hope that you’ll see the beauty of it. For some people are having a hard time seeing the color of life. But I guarantee you, we will help you see it.

As a mom, I have so many apprehensions. But mommy has a strong faith. Life outside mommy’s tummy is tough, but we will help you get through it. I can’t promise you all the leisure in life, for I don’t want you to grow like a spoiled brat. As you grow, I want you to learn that you can’t have everything you want. But if you want something really bad you have to earn it.

I will protect you from every danger that might come your way, but I will still let you walk freely as you grow. I will let you choose and make decisions, but I’ll be here to give suggestions. I want you to learn that not everything you think is right will do you good. Sometimes our decisions will hurt us. Sometimes we falter and it is hard to get up. But don’t worry, mommy’s gonna help you stand and walk upright.

As you grow, I want you to emulate your father. He is a person of laughter and strength. I’ve never seen him distressed with worries. He may not be religious, but he has faith. He is a person of love and he says it, more importantly… he shows it.

Never be afraid to show that you love someone. Especially to us, your parents. I want you to grow in a family filled with love and affection. That way, you will never feel that you lack that loving feeling and in the future you will not end up searching and loving the wrong person.

I will teach you to love music. Music livens up our soul, it will make you more beautiful.

I will teach you to eat vegetables and fruits, you need that so you won’t have colds like me.

I will teach you to write poems and short stories. Writing can be an outlet of our emotions. You can make your dreams come to reality when you write a story.

We will play outdoor games instead of video games. This will enhance your motor skills, endurance and body coordination. You will gain many friends and you will learn trust, confidence and cooperation.

I will let you read a good book.  The bible is one book I will never fail to read for you before you go to sleep, but I’ll also let you read a book that will challenge your gray matter.

I have so many things to teach you, so many things I want you to experience and I really pray that you’ll grow up as good person. I won’t dream for you for I know you will have your own. I’ll just be here to help you reach that dream. My only wish is that you’ll enjoy life and when you grow old no matter how tough life is, you are strong and able to do the right thing.

To you…my baby, I pray that you’ll be a person of love, friendship and faith.

A person of integrity and respect.

A person able to live life in its true colors.

Loves you so much,

Mommy =)

It’s been almost 3 months since Gerald and I got married. We went through a lot! The pressure and preparation of civil and church wedding isn’t a joke but we made it. I can’t contain the happiness inside me. Everytime I see his face in the morning is such glory, and when he feels our baby kick, that is the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever felt.

For the past years of my life I was nothing but a woman in distress. I was longing for love and I was hardly searching for it, that I ended up hurting others and myself. I was not eager to wait yet I was too numb to feel the pain.

But the painstaking journey is over. Each day is perfect for I wake up with the sweetest kiss I’ve ever tasted. I embrace the day with the warmest hug that ever locked my body. Inside me is the greatest gift every woman would ask for.

I thank God for His endless forgiveness. I thank God for giving me another chance. I thank God for giving me life. Two new lives that make me whole. Gerald and our soon to be born baby.

I am complete… fulfilled… words are not enough to describe how happy I am now.

I am standing tall despite the apprehension and fear

For I know someone holds my hand…

A hand who’s warmth made me brave.

The hand of a dauntless man, courageous yet faithful.

A man of pride but who knows how to cry.

He is a man of strong-will, but he listens when I speak.

He is a man of imperfection, but he is upright and humble enough to admit.

He may not give me what I want to possess,

But he can give laughter and genuine happiness.

He may not be able to show me the world,

But we eat together until our tummies grow as big as Earth.

He may not have all the wealth but he is dutiful.

His hands are rough yet cozy and strong to keep me close.

He may not be fit for a king but his heart fits with mine.

He is a man of God, a respectful son, an afable person…

A loving husband.

Truly mine…

He made me change…

He saved my life.

It was difficult…

But all he did was to give me love.

It has been over a year when I started writing this blog. Truly I have dicovered a lot about myself and I learned my mistakes as I read the previous entries. It brings me joy to see how I fell and dropped on my knees… eventually I’ll start  to get up and fall again.

Blogging somehow helped me in my soul searching, as I write my entangling life I learned how silly I could get and how clever I can be.

I also thank my blog readers… I feel delighted to see that there are some people who would take time to read my long entry of wining and weeing and some would leave comments which make my dull mind illuminated.

I just realized that in such a short period of time things can really happen and it can make a great deal of change. Most of my entries were regretful, crestfallen and savage… and I never thought that I can be this kind of person that I am now… my "bitter-drama queen persona" has come to an end. (but of course the bitch in me will always be the same) =P.

Another chapter… an unbeknown life… and more blog entries sharing my life at its best.

Cheers to a new beggining!

Chapter II- TheBitch’s Cradle - e Lan Vital.

We are done with our festive dinner and reunion, we’ve counted and ranked the most eventful happenings and news in our lives and now it’s the 2nd day of the year and it seems like life is back to normal. Back to the old routine… in the middle of the bustling streets of our so called LIFE.

Yet, no matter how routinary life can be, there will always be "jack in the box" along our way… popped right into our face unexpectedly.

I have all this year to thank for. 2006 trully was a roller coaster ride. For the first half… I was misled. Mistakes were everywhere and it seemed like I can never get up from the shithole.

But despite the painstaking journey, I was never ashamed of my departure from the truth. My faults and misapprehensions made me strong. It made me willingly wait for happiness.

And so there is…

I found the happiness not longer than expected, the second half of 2006 brought me so much blessings and joy. I ended the year with so much love… the true and sincere love I have been searching for all my life.

This year, 2007. I started the year right. I am inlove with the man I’ve been friends with for 10 long years and we will cherish a lifetime of friendship.

The smile of sadness will not be seen for this year is the beginning of forever… the start of the rest of our lives together.

Now we are married!