The Bitch’s Cradle I

Sa totoo lng hindi ko alam kung saan ko uumpisahan yung sasabihin ko… I’m out of words but the feeling is exploding, ni hindi ko alam if I’ll do this in English or Tagalog…

Just recently I wounded myself because of my carelessness, I totally forgot na ang langgam kahit gaano kaliit masakit mangagat, and when they strike… when you least expect it.

I guess I better consult my agony aunt, lahat na siguro ng way to vent nagawa ko na except that. All the pain inside is slowly killing me.

Last week I enjoyed a 4 day vacation, during those days I did some thinking, I tried to come to my senses again and rebuild a whole new life, Monday came and I was so ready for work… happy to face the beautiful life ahead of me.

And so I thought… my Monday turned out to be one of the most dreaded Mondays of my life… parang naalala ko yung panahon na Monday na pero wala pa akong project na maipasa. This Monday is even worse than that, lahat ng mga napagnilaynilayan ko sa apat na araw na yun ay naglaho na parang bula.

Everything was all over the place, I don’t know how to start, where to start… the pieces of me were scattered. Yeah… "It must have been love, but it’s over now!" Eto lang naman ang pinakikingan ko ngayon habang sinusulat ‘to… nagsesenti sa office… blabbering and wondering… ano ba talaga ang gusto kong sabihin sa inyo? Like what the song says… "It’s over now!"

Simple lang naman, sa mga sandaling ito abot langit ang sakit at galit na nararamdaman ko. Malamang hindi na nakapagtataka sa inyo dahil palagi nalang pain and frustration ang nasa blog ko… sad to say pero pinanganak na yata ako na puro sakit sa puso ang mararanasan.

Sa bawat saya na nararamdaman ko, nandun yung takot na baka isang malaking dagok sa buhay ko ang kapalit. Sandaling ligaya… habang buhay na dusa… eeew… ang corny! Sabi nga ni Jethro- isang makulit na kaibigan… nagiging "MMKeyish" na ako (meaning: madramang sandali na pwedeng isulat sa Maalaala Mo Kaya)

But no matter what comes to me, the ball is in my court! I have always been a strong person, but I still need to vent… so forgive me for doing this.

From this day on I don’t need a barefaced liar, I’ll scrap him outta mah life! It was such a bitter pill to swallow, I never thought he would do such thing. Isa lang ang masasabi ko, mahirap na talaga magtiwala sa panahon ngayon. You’ll never know when a thief strikes. Tulad ng magnanakaw, natangay niya lahat ng natitirang saya sa buhay ko.

Together we built castles in the air… at ngayon wala na, kasamang nasalanta ng bagyong si Karding.  So I’ll stop now… what a waste of tears, i’ll stop crying my eyes out.

A subtle flirt… that’s what he is! Yes it’s true… sayo na rin nangaling… I don’t need a guy like you! I don’t even deserve to be treated the way you treated me.

But keep this in mind… you will never find someone like me. You will never be loved the way I loved you. No one will take care of you the way I did… yes I have been a martyr or probably just plain foolish but you’re not gonna get it again… you don’t deserve that kind of love dahil hindi ka marunong magpahalaga ng pagmamahal na binigay sayo.

I just hope I will never meet someone like you again.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 30th, 2006 at 5:40 am and is filed under Weblogs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.