Fidgety me.
Worrying kills you… well this is the mantra that I keep on repeating to myself each day. Aside from singing, I guess this is one of my greatest talent! I worry about lots of things from the smallest detail to the biggest creation in the world. Who can I blame? Bad experiences? They say charge it to experience… you bet! You learn from these things… I learn nothing but to worry. Even when I’m happy, I worry. I worry that after laughing out loud, I’d cry the next day. Pathetic huh?
Sometimes my worrying worries me… see?! Like when I ride the bus, whenever someone hides his hands in his jacket, it gives me the feeling that he has a gun or a knife. I even thought I saw someone pick-pocketing someone. Either that or I’m delusional!
There are more to that story, which at some point is an advantage because I’m vigilant and alert. But it causes me a great deal of trouble. I don’t ride buses which have curtains, I don’t ride AC trans, WALIS taxi cab, I don’t ride tinted FX, I don’t ride jeepneys which have small windows and goon-looking men… and the list goes on and on.
This "worrying thing" or it may come close to paranoia- is also affecting my personal relationship with other people and with myself. I worry about my future, I worry about my family if their safe, I worry if my friends are safe and if they are really "true" friends, I worry if my boyfriend is loyal to me or not… I worry about anything under the sun.
Right now, I’m worrying because I’m happily inlove. It has never been like this before, trust me! Life hasn’t been to good to me in this aspect of life. But now that it seems like I have found the right one, I am worrying again… worrying that tomorrow it’s a different story. Though I trust the guy (as in I really do) this monster lurking inside my brain is slowly killing me.
I don’t want to be afraid of riding the bus, jeep, or taxi. I don’t want to live afraid that my loved ones are not safe. I don’t want to constantly think if I turned off the gas or if I pulled the plug of the tv. I dont want to be afraid of loving too much, I don’t want to worry about losing him.
I just want to live in peace.
