The Bitch’s Cradle I

STOP!!! I dunno what is it that you want from me… I’m losin’ it! Why do you have to keep on pestering me simply because of an archaic message and blog entry? Let me tell you that it is inside the oldies closet already. Ready to be trashed and burned!

Don’t even think that you can tug me anytime you want. I am NOT yours. So please give me a break!

Yes I may have loved you and I’ve been blinded for the longest time. I wasted time when i was young. Too bad!

But hey… don’t flatter yourself, I AM NOT INLOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE MARVIN! So pleeease spare me the text messages and get the hell off me. I’m happy now and I’m glad I’m not with you. I wouldn’t want to live a life with an otiose individual. A swell- headed bum such as you will never be an ideal guy for me.

Don’t be too confident that whenever you call or text me i’d come running. Trust me… your presence doesn’t excite me!

One more thing, don’t tell me not to talk to your mom or brother when I see them. I am not disrespectful. If they don’t like the person you are with, I can’t blame them- for obvious reasons. If they like me, well… that is not my problem.

Work it out!

STOP sending me messages, you and your girl. Such a waste. I’m happy with my life now. If you can’t accept the fact that I can get over you… well DREAM ON my dear! You’re not the greatest person in the world.

READ THIS:  Let me reiterate, I DO NOT LOVE YOU! My fiance is far from the person that you are. Stop the bullshitting, this would be the last time I’d waste my time on such deranged individual like you. Get that?

I really hope you get this message. Leave me alone… both of you! If you’re not happy, don’t drag me into the deep shit hole you’re in. 

I thought I’d be having a boring Sunday night last week. After the stressful adventures Gerald and I had that Saturday, I woke up with a serious hang-over and a series of shaking and perspiring moment. I opened my eyes and saw that I was inside my room and my head cracking and pounding like crazy. Suddenly, I remembered that we’ll be having a company party that night (Sunday). I was having second thoughts of going, number one because I have nothing to wear and second, I’m so tired to party and I would just like to doze and slumber on my bed the whole day. But I have to go because I will be certified… the fruit of my labor …my Yellow Belt project has finally seasoned.

And so I found myself that night, giggling with some friends, trying to enjoy the night. It wasn’t as enjoyable as before because there were less people especially those that I’m familiar with and heaven forgive me but really… the food didn’t taste good! It was such a waste considering the nice setting they had although it was a bit tiring because we had to sit on the floor since it was "arabian inspired" (and from what I know it’s the Japanese, Chinese and Koreans who doesn’t have chairs and has low tables.) Hah… wherever the idea came from… well at least the effort was there.

Anyway, despite the loopholes of the said party, I had come to enjoy it. The reason? NYOY VOLANTE! Not that I’m a fan (oops defensive =P), I’m just glad that it wasn’t a guest as cheezy as Jimmy Bondoc (good gracious!). 

Well what really made his guesting special for me at least, is because I had the guts to come up to the stage and sing with him. It was just overwhelming for me because I haven’t sang for a long time.

I missed the crowd, the spotlight and the applause of audience who are delighted to hear me sing.

While singing with Nyoy, my highschool years flashed like a movie in my head. I missed singing. With my trainer Tita Luz, with HIMIG and with my band. The feeling is totally different when your up there. It’s like I’m on top of things.

Oh well… the dream that I had to let go. Practicality I guess. At some point singing broke my heart, but I would never give up on it. It would always remain…my first love.

1. WHAT CURSE WORD D0 Y0U USE?
~ ay kalabaw ni pekto!!!

2. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO NOW?
~ Pachabel’s Canon

3. WHO IS THE PERSON YOU TALK TO THE MOST?
~ Gerald, Ritz, Dots and Chase

4. WHAT TIME IS Y0UR ALARM CL0CK SET?
~ 1:30pm

5. DO YOU WEAR FLIP FLOPS WHEN IT’S COLD?
~ sometimes

6. W0ULD Y0U RATHER TAKE THE PICTURE 0R BE IN THE
PICTURE?
~ be in the picture xempre!

7.WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE Y0U WATCHED?
~ step up

8. D0 ANY OF Y0UR FRIENDS HAVE CHILDREN?
~ a lot of them

9. HAS ANY0NE EVER CALLED Y0U LAZY?
~ si mama

10. D0 YOU EVER TAKE MEDICATI0N T0 HELP Y0U FALL
ASLEEP?
~ no… antukin ako eh!

11. WHAT CD IS CURRENTLY IN Y0UR CD PLAYER?
~ kwjan

12. D0 Y0U PREFER REGULAR 0R CHOCOLATE MILK?
~ regular milk

13. HAS ANY0NE T0LD Y0U A SECRET THIS WEEK?
~ we have lots of secrets… juicy ones!

14. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD STARBUCKS?
~ yesterday

15. CAN Y0U WHISTLE?
~ i can try.

16.D0 YOU THINK PE0PLE TALK AB0UT Y0U BEHIND YOUR
BACK?
~ i think that is man’s favorite hobby

17. DID Y0U WATCH CARTO0NS AS A CHILD?
~ yeah

18. WHAT M0VIE D0 YOU KNOW EVERY LINE TO?
~ titanic… hehehe… jack… jack!!!

19. D0 YOU 0WN ANY BAND T-SHIRTS?
~ yeah… err… someone promised me another one from Sandwich… err… Myk…

20. IS ANY0NE IN LOVE WITH Y0U?
~ My fiance.

21. DO YOU DO YOUR OWN DISHES?
~ most of the time.

22. EVER CRY IN PUBLIC?
~ October 3, 2006 sa St. Anthony Bus, this old man even offered me peanuts so I’ll stop crying… as if I’m a kid that can be bribed w/ candy.

23. ARE Y0U 0N A DESKT0P COMPUTER 0R A LAPTOP?
~ desktop sa office laptop sa house

24. ARE Y0U CURRENTLY WANTING ANY PIERCINGS 0R
TATTO0S?
~ nheow!!!

31. WHAT’S THE WEATHER LIKE?
~ cold

32. W0ULD Y0U EVER DATE S0ME0NE C0VERED IN TATTO0S?
~ nheow again!!!

33. WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE THIS?
~ i just ate

34. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU SLEPT ON THE COUCH?
~ i can’t remember

35. H0W MANY H0URS OF SLEEP D0 YOU NEED TO FUNCTION?
~ 3-4 hours.

36. D0 Y0U EAT BREAKFAST DAILY?
~ yeah… well depends on my shift… now I don’t coz I’m asleep in the morning.

37. ARE Y0UR DAYS FULL AND FAST PACED?
~ fast paced

38. D0 YOU PAY ATTENTION TO THE CAL0RIES IN THE
FOOD YOU EAT?
~ that’s crap man!!!

39. D0 Y0U USE SARCASM?
~ sometimes.

40. H0W 0LD WILL Y0U BE TURNING ON Y0UR NEXT BIRTHDAY?
~ 23

41. ARE Y0U PICKY AB0UT SPELLING AND
GRAMMAR?
~ that’s my JOB!!!

42. HAVE Y0U EVER BEEN TO SIX FLAGS?
~ nope

43.D0 YOU GET AL0NG BETTER WITH THE
SAME SEX 0R THE OPPOSITE SEX?
~ both

44.BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
~ boyfriend

45.D0 Y0U SLEEP 0N Y0UR SIDE OR BACK?
~ either

46. D0 Y0U WATCH THE NEWS?
~ i try to

47. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET
IT?
~ left eyebrow, I got it while playing with my brother when we were still kids.

48. WH0 WAS THE LAST PERS0N T0 MAKE Y0U CRY?
~ si Gerald parin!!!

49. D0 YOU LIKE ANYB0DY?
~ like and love

50. HOW’S THE SURVEY?
~ tedious

==
1.first 2 words/letters that pops in ur mind now?
floor walk

2. name 3 of your crazy friends
karen, ebs and jr

3. what’s your favorite number/s?
28

4. what was the first thing you did after waking up?
checked my phone

5. last number of your cell number?
0

6. who was the first person that came to your mind
as you woke up this morning?
si Gerald

7. who was the last person to make you feel kilig?
si Gerald pa rin
8.what song is on your mind right now?
mamayog akun - philippine madrigal singers

9. who do you want to call on your cellphone?
c Gerald xempre

10. Are you in love?
YES~YES~YES!!!

11. what color/s do you like?
pink and black

12. last song that you sang:
Bakit ngayon ka lang?

13. do you like to sing?
try asking Nyoy Volante… he knows =)

14. have you ever been to Baguio, Phils?
yeah

15. what was the last song that you danced to?
SATISFACTION

16. favorite songs:
right now… beautiful days by kyla

17. bakit mo sinagutan ang survey na ito?
gusto ko lang subukan

18. asan ka ngayon?
my station

19. last person you e-mailed.
Serge

20. have you been to disneyLand?
i wish

21.how often do you buy load?
I DON’T BUY I GET IT FOR FREE, MONTHLY.

22.who’s the last person in your phonebook?
GERALD

23. if you were given a chance to visit another
country?
we’ll have our honeymoon there

24. name the person that you want to fall for you
at this moment?
he fell for me already…

If you’ve been my friend for a long time, you would have counted the "lousy" dates I had. You would have witnessed how I flip my hair flirtatioulsy, and catch a glimpse of my crushes. You would have seen how I cried when I was dumped, and how I laughed when I got to dump the "biggest" jerk ever! You would have seen how happy I was single and playing around. You would have seen how I was struggling to have someone to be with.

If you’ve known me for quite sometime, you would say I have completely changed. You might ask what could have happened? Then I would just smile and say… "Finally, I found him!"

Today… tomorrow… forever… I’ll stay inlove with him.

Ang lahat ng sobra ay nakasasama. Yan ang bagay na natutunan ko kamakailan lang. Hindi lahat ng bagay na akala mo cute sayo eh cute sa iba. Minsan nakakalimutan natin na nakasasakit na tayo ng damdamin ng iba, pero ang masakit kung nasaktan mo ang pinakamamahal mo. Hindi lahat ng bagay ay dapat katakutan, kasi minsan ang sobrang takot ay nauuwi sa kapraningan.

Ngayong lingong ito, isang bagay ang tumatak sa isip ko… ang SELOS ay nakamamatay. Unti-unting nilason ng selos ang utak ko, pinag-sikip nito ang aking dibdib hangang sa mahirapang huminga. Ang inakala kong "cute" sa kanya… hindi na pala. Sumobra ako, at nasaktan siya. Sa isang buong araw na di niya ako kinausap nakaramdam ako ng takot, baka ang taong pinaka-iingatan ko ay biglang maglaho, takot na ang kaisa-isang tao na naging sigurado akong akin ay tinulak ko palayo. Lahat dahil sa sobrang takot, kapraningan, at selos.

It’s tough when you don’t talk to me.

It’s sad that you can stand looking at my messages and not reply to it.

It’s killing me to see that you are ignoring me.

It hurts to see that I’ve caused you pain.

It hurts that the day is about to end,

And yet no matter how much I beg…

Still I am unforgiven.

The green-eyed monster ate me.

It’s chewing me piece by piece,

Slowly the pain freezes my brain,

And cripples my entire body.

Now I’m dead.

I’m begging for your forgiveness.